I Just Wanna Be Wallpaper
She had to make it onto this hallowed blog at some point. Shut up! Alright ladies and jerks I have a fun little poll for you all today. Nonetheless, let’s try to forget that the hands above belong to the evil Oprah minions and focus on today’s polling question: If you could only base your decision on the hands provided to you, which woman would you date? Simple enough. Starting from the left going to the right: Rosie Palmer, Kissy Suzuki, Holly Goodhead, Horny McPussylock, Honey Ryder Take Our Poll Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook2Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Asides, Dating & Relationships Tagged in: polling question Welcome to WordPress.www ashley madison com
This is your first post. Edit or delete it, then start blogging! Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook2Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Uncategorized Whether or not your voice it, it doesn’t seem to matter. What is the “it” in cases like this? Insecurity. No matter how much someone tells you that you matter; that you’re important, it doesn’t matter when insecurity has taken hold of you. Insecurity does its fair share to decimate many a relationship and sometimes it’s hard to know when it’s happening, to see it for what it really is because it just pops up whenever it feels like it, when you’re working, running or even in your sleep! Insecurity is a piece of shit and it’s hard to deal with sometimes.
If you’re a person who needs constant reassurance what do you do to get over the insecure hump? It’s not easy and it’s a constant work. That’s one thing I am able to tell you. I’ve said it greater than a few times, I’m an asshole. These days I question that. You see, I’m seeing a gal now. It’s not serious, but we’ve been at it for a few months now. While I’d like it to go somewhere, I’m not sure that it will. That part is simply that I don’t know what this gal wants and she’s terrified of relationships. I told her how I felt, dropped the “L” word even. She doesn’t feel the same way. Ouch. And you know what?
That’s okay. Not ideal, but it’s okay. It’s harder to not say the nasty “L” word than it really is to say it when you don’t mean it. So I appreciate and respect that actually. I’d be lying if I told you that it didn’t make me feel insecure. In particular, I feel insecure about dating a gal that doesn’t feel the way about me that I do about her and that she’ll just “walk” out whenever she gets bored. Bam. There it is.
That leaves things in an odd spot doesn’t it? Or does it? So what would you do about the insecurity? The simple fact is that relationships, no matter how casual, need room to breathe and to grow. With that in mind, there are a few common traps to spot and work through/avoid… You have your own vision for what the relationship must be and panic when it’s not just like that. Yep, that sounds like me. I have idea of what I want and what I want something to be. My instinct is to shape a relationship as I think it should be, sometimes. What I’ve learned over the years is that relationships need room to just be what they are; you relax and go with the flow and figure out where you stand. You can’t separate reality from your own imagination. The worst part about insecurity is that it’s often hard to separate reality from your own observed reality aka your imagination. You play scenarios out in your mind; lots of scenarios and you start to believe that there’s some truth to these imagined scenarios. If that’s you, knock it the fuck off!! Get ahold of yourself and realize what you’re doing is destructive day-dreaming. Ask yourself: Are these things I’m thinking or imagining actually happening? Do the other person’s actions line up with what I’m thinking?
In my case today, no, they definitely don’t. Actions matter, imagination doesn’t. Here, i might tell you that what a person does matters more than what they say and undoubtedly matters much more than what you imagine. When you recognize what you’re doing, take a breath, stop and ask yourself if what you’re imagining is really what’s playing out. You can’t give attention to anything else but the relationship. Get a fucking hobby! Oh, only if it were that simple. Am I right? Once we get anxious about relationships we forget about the huge heap of other shit we have to do.
In my case, yes, I spend way too much time thinking about a gal that I’m kinda crazy about… She may stay, she may go… You know what?
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It’s small potatoes in the grand scheme of things. I have a small business to run and I hope that it doesn’t fail!!! I have a 400 person fucking conference to plan that’s a month away, I’m starting consulting work for the small business development center, I just reconnected with my estranged father, in addition to a bunch of other shit. If I have a bunch of shit to bother about, I’m sure you do, too. Focus on what matters most and get work done. You can’t stop controlling things. A hallmark of insecurity. Take deep breaths and let go. Don’t try to be in control or shape things just-so. Seriously, breathe deeply and let go. Communicate. If you feel uncertain about things, it helps to talk about it. You need to trust in the conversation you have though.
If the person you’re dating says things are fine and demonstrates that in actions also, then things ARE FUCKING FINE. Don’t bottle up your emotions, communicate when you need to. If the worst happens… The worst thing that could happen is that your love interest skips out on you. Bummer. That sucks and, guess what? You’re going to be okay. You’ve been there before. Take some time, think things over and when you’re ready get back to it, get back on the Tinder or OkCupid or whatever. Sure, for some (myself especially) the goal is to find some one you mesh with and grow together. It’s not easy and, undoubtedly, I’ve grown tired of telling my story over and over again. Just because of that weariness, nonetheless, doesn’t mean I should be so anxious. Equivalent goes for you, too. Relationships, especially the relationships that “are not” relationships are hard. Put the time in, be patient, don’t run away and stay out of your own head and don’t have beers with your insecurity. Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading…
Share This Article Facebook7Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Online Dating contribute to the Urban Dater Weekly Did you kids know that the Urban Dater has a weekly digest that we publish through Paper.li? Well, if you didn’t before, now you do! The Urban Dater Weekly is a superb little news aggregate that posts past tweets, articles, videos and other media on a weekly basis (hence the name Urban Dater Weekly) from the past week. What’s great about it is that it provides you one spot to catch up on articles, news, articles and more from some of your favorite Tweeps, bloggers and more. Contribute to it. If you’d like to be able to be featured on the Urban Dater Weekly eat two gnute fingers and a dragon’s scale… Or, um, just Contact Us. Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook0Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Uncategorized Source: http://www.flickr.com/photos/amrufm/5356250518/ Islamic weddings vary from community to community, with different traditions reflecting the cultural heritage of varying Muslim countries all over the world. This article looks at some of the different laws, customs and celebrations which can be found in Muslim marriages in the UK and the US. 1. Laws and formal celebrations Certain things are essential to all Muslim marriages, no matter where in the world they take place. The marriage has to be declared publicly and this is often done by having a large feast or walimah, which announces that the couple are married and entitled to one another.
Cultural trends depend on where in actuality the Muslim family originates from. In britain the dominant Islamic culture is that associated with the Indian sub-continent, which often favours a bright, colourful wedding with the bride wearing a scarlet and gold shalwar-gameez and having her hands and feet patterned with henna. In the US the majority of brides favour a traditional white wedding dress. Some communities prefer simple celebrations with good friends and family while others prefer huge feasts with hundreds of guests. In the US celebrations often include dancing, firing of guns and lots of noise and hilarity. In the UK weddings are often celebrated on a grand scale – lasting several days and including a henna/mehndi ceremony as well as the nikah and the walimah. In the UK Muslim marriages are not recognised unless they are registered at a civil ceremony, in addition to being celebrated at the nikah. 2. Cultural codes and conduct Muslim marriage is still an extremely traditional, patriarchal affair. A male guardian has to grant permission before a woman’s consent are asked for.
Witnesses to the marriage are only allowed to be men and a woman is expected to live with her in-laws after the ceremony. In the UK a new marriage contract was drafted which seeks to do away with these cultural inequalities, which many modern Muslims feel are outdated in the modern world. The contract stresses loyalty, mutuality and equality between husband and wife and protects the woman’s financial liberties. Although many Muslims of the younger generation were enthusiastic about these changes, they are finding the community as a whole is still hostile to it and so most marriages stick to the traditional traditions. 3.
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Mixed-religion relationships Although interfaith marriage is becoming more and more popular in the UK and the US, it is still met with disapproval in the majority of Muslim communities.https://topadultreview.com/ In the US around a third of Muslim men and almost half of Muslim women say they oppose interfaith marriage, with the Arab-American population being most averse to the unions. Many followers of Islam think that the Quran forbids mixed-religion marriage for women while allowing it for men, and so it is much more common for a Muslim man to marry outside of faith than for a woman to. Source: http://www.flickr.com/photos/ian-arlett/4535271037/ This is one of the factors why a lot of Muslim women find it hard to gain a marriage partner, as, particularly in the UK, the amount of single Muslim women notably outnumbers single Muslim men. 4. Online dating trends among Muslims Online dating has started to gain more and more importance for single Muslims in the UK and the US since they are finding it harder to generally meet a partner from within their local Muslim communities. Web sites such as eHarmony.co.uk help Muslim singles build the foundations for a successful Muslim marriage by matching them up with other singles based on the most important lifestyle values including spirituality, traditionalism and intelligence. If you are interested in finding out additional information about online dating then follow eHarmony on Twitter. Muslim marriage customs vary from community to community and some Muslim couples find it hard to marry their modern Western lifestyle making use of their traditional Islamic history. Muslim singles in the US and UK are needs to search for singles online and to consider interfaith marriage as they seek to adapt their traditional values to a contemporary life style. Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox!
Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook2Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Relationships Tagged in: marriage, muslim I was out on a date not long ago. My date and I were going over our dating “battle-files” to see who had the worst experiences, so to speak. We traded stories back and forth and a common theme that I noticed was that my date had been out on a lot of first dates with guys that were really types of cheap. At least I think. To make certain that brought me to this topic: How cheap is too cheap for the first date? My experience has generally been that no-one likes a cheapskate. Period. Exceptions are abound, I’m sure. The thing is that I just don’t care. Being a blatant cheapskate hurts ones chances on a date. What are some reasons that people might want to be super cheap on their dates? One reason to be a cheapskate dater is that a person may just go on a lot of dates.
If that’s the case, the costs can add up quickly. My solution for that is scale back the amount of dating and have fewer, but, better quality dates. Another reason is that a person may not want to go out on a big extravagant first date with some one they don’t even know. That’s cool and I get that. So try something less ambitious and something more quaint, like coffee per se. The other reason I hear a lot of is this: “Well, why should I spend anything on someone that might not even be worth every penny?” Okay, fair enough. But I disagree using this idea. Dating, regardless of purpose, is a gamble; an investment. The investment is the money you spend on creating the time to get to know someone better. My date told me one story that stuck with me. She had met up with a guy for coffee.
i’d like to change direction really quick here, for moment. The guy invited my date out for coffee, during the day, in the summer with temperatures that were around the century mark for the week, including the day of their date. Good judgment should tell a person that hot coffee on a hot day… Maybe not such a good notion. Now back once again to my not so regularly scheduled article. Anyway, her date had sat down and went up to the counter to get a cup of hot water. Out of his pocket he pulls out a tea bag and promptly and proudly plops the tea bag into the cup of hot water. The kicker listed here is that her date didn’t offer to have her a coffee, let alone offer her a tea bag. I was pretty stunned by the story. I’m all for starting small and working up to grander dates, but seriously. What kind of date is a person expecting to have while exhibiting that sort of behavior?
I’d say probably not a favorable one, to be sure. The economy is crap and it’s also a compelling reason to reign back on the spending. But being a cheapskate is a surefire method to not get laid, let alone maintain any sort of meaningful relationship with a member of the opposite, or not so opposing, sex. What is a cheapskate? My favorite site, Wikipedia, states that: A cheapskate is a miser who is reluctant to spend money, sometimes to the point of forgoing even basic comforts. The term derives from the Latin miser, meaning “poor” or “wretched,” comparable to the modern word “miserable”. Ouch! That is brutal. Going out on the cheap has been discussed on The Urban Dater before, see Dating on a Budget. In that article Taylor shows some great places to go in the L.A. area. If you’re not from around those parts then try some of the following ideas: Wine Tasting Hike and a Picnic Coffee Tour a Brewery Go to A festival of some sort Play Pool, Darts or Naked Twister ( not recommended for initial date, you perv) My late grandmother always told me: “Son, if you’re out having a nice time, dinner, or what ever it really is, focus on having a good time, not so much on the money it will cost. It’s solid advice, I think, that I carry with me to this day. You don’t have to spend an exorbitant sum of money on your date; just be creative and have fun. It’s an investment, all things considered; what a person puts in will equal what you get out. Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading…
Share This Article Facebook1Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Asides, Dating & Relationships Tagged in: advice, bad date, Dating Silence. Exactly like This Goofy Turd of a Mime, Makes Me Want to Uppercut Something! I have it on good authority that there is a “Silence” fan page on Facebook. I’m not at all a fan of it. Sure, sure I could be a fan of it if only to tell me people in the style of “the Rock” to know their role and shut their hole. It’s wise to me anyway. Silence is a tool of the certainly spiteful; the masters of passive aggressive behavior. Even though I’ve been prone to passive aggressive behavior I don’t use the silent treatment… I are far more vocal about my misgivings, whatever they may be at the time. Nonetheless, silence gets me each and every time. I’ll tell you a little secret: I hate silence. I hate it when people give me the silent therapy. It drives me bat-shit crazy. I’m not alone here, I realize, but dammit!
If you like me to go all nutters on you, don’t talk to me, write me or text me. Have a fantastic time with me one night and then don’t speak to me afterward. I am going to pull out my personal damned hair and start upper cutting people in the stomach! Why am I telling you this? I suppose I’m telling all the people that have given me the silent treatment over the years (even if I deserved it that will be almost always…) f*ck you! I mean that in the nicest possible way, of course… No, actually I don’t; I lied. Forgive me. Silence induces insecurity in even the most secure individuals. It’s something that I cannot tolerate, even though I’ve tried very hard to be understanding in many cases through the years. I just don’t like it one ounce. How does one deal with silence? In the vane of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia’s D.E.N.N.I.S. System, i’d like to introduce you to the A.L.E.X. System: Aggressively pursue, harass, poke, prod, shake and kick until this silent provocateur has been forced to scream for help!
That is, be aggressive, be be AGGRESSIVE! I keep hounding people until the break or become furious. Give me something to work well with; anything! I’d rather be called a turd or a nerf herder than nothing at all! Laywaste to those who deny you your verbal and emotional access and stomp them silly while making them feel like an asshole, even although you are at fault! Yes, I said “lay waste,” dammit! Eviscerate the silence with your loud and booming voice or by showing up to the offender’s residence at an all too early hour of the morning, pull out your old school boom box and start blaring the Glee Season One Soundtrack or something else equally offensive. 😉 eXonerate your enemy from their silent treatment crimes, begin the peace process and need reparations due to their insolence and inconsiderate ways! Or something like that… Anyway, if you don’t agree that silence is a good solution to deal with a problem, just see what these people from Twitter had to say: The Tweeps Have Spoken… Uh… On Silence… Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox!
Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook0Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Opinion, Relationships Tagged in: arguments, passive aggressive This post is aimed at our fellow bloggers, people we feel we can help by imparting our collected experience and knowledge. About says it all, ya jerk This past week I penned about being consistent where it concerns blogging. It truly is key to being successful at anything in life. Nonetheless, I’m centering on blogging and that last post really focused on nuts and bolts. Things that it is possible to put to paper and really visualize. It is vital to remember that while knowing how to blog, what to blog about and having the “right approach” is awesome, it’s not necessarily going to help you build a following… Bloggers will sometimes ask me “hey, big fella, how did you obtain your audience?” I look at them and I can say I really don’t know. To this day, I don’t have a forumla for building an audience or online .